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Wandering & Wondering

I go through these phases once or twice a year.  I wander through my thoughts and wonder what I'm doing, how could I be doing it better, if I should be doing something different.  I run off with wild abandon on a creative journey, sure that this will be the right one, the one that will set me free.  Only to find burned out at the end of each venture because I don't know how to pace myself or take the right steps to make it work and grow.

I've found myself exploring many things.  Some of the paths I've ventured down include:
  • Cookbook writing (wrote and self-published two books)
  • Food Blogger (wrote for 7 years and then removed it from the internet)
  • Handmade Gift Shop on Etsy (three years of thinking sewing would set me free)
  • Photography Blog (goes in fits and starts, still posting, but not consistent)
  • Card Blogger (I've learned I'm not a DIY, step by step blogger)
  • Handmade Card Artist (still doing this but in a bit of a creative slump)
  • Life Blog (you're reading it right now)
I've read books on doing what you love and starting small businesses and creative businesses.  I've listened to podcasts on how to build it and they will come.  I've made notes in notebooks.  I've talked with friends.  I follow blogs that inspire me.  Yet I still struggle.  I know, not everyone is going to understand this, but I so very much want to never work for another company again.  I want to work for myself, but I'm still searching for the thing that clicks.  I'm still wandering and wondering.  Searching for my calling, looking for the thing I want to be when I grow up.  

As of late, I'm thinking about how to put more energy and effort into my handmade card business idea.  I'm also thinking about writing more here as well.  I've been pondering walking away from Facebook.  It's a time suck and quite honestly and what a huge time suck it is.

I've read about writing in my own voice and starting by writing for myself, the readers will come.  I've been reading books on writing, exploring my own voice.  People want to read about other people's lives, I do and I'm not alone.  I live in a small town and am an people really want to read about that?  

As for the cards, I love making, sharing and selling them, but I have to be honest with myself it's gonna take years to make that pay off if it ever does.  

Wondering what I do for a day job that I want to leave?   I'm an assistant coordinator for an educational consortium.  I spend a lot of time with people, students of all ages to be more precise.  We facilitate a variety of educational opportunities.  It's an on all the time kind of job, even though I only work part-time, people ask me things in the grocery store, stop me in the post office and I never really get to shut this job off.  I'd like a more creative pathway that I'm more passionate about. 

I've been in some type of customer service/public service job my entire life.  My dad ran a business out of our home, so from the time I was old enough to answer the phone I was old enough to provide some sort of customer service.  From there I worked as a data entry clerk, did my penance in retail, sold advertising (both print and radio), ran the front lines as a receptionist, and served my sentence in the banking industry.

I've always wanted to make a living with my creativity, whether that be through things I make, the photos I take or the writing I love.  It would be perfect to find something that pulled all of this together.  So here I am at 41, wandering and wondering, still making my way toward my dream of self-employment.