Friendships Are a Lot like Pants

 Friendships are a lot like pants, you gotta try a copious amount of them to find the perfect ones. We’ve all been there, the dressing room for trying on new friends. It’s a work party, a social gathering, and maybe even the line at the post office. You gather a few bits of information from your interactions and agree this could be a great fit. You buy the pants so to speak. The thing with pants and friends is not all of them are gonna fit. Sometimes they're cuter in the dressing room than when you get them home, sometimes they shrink in the wash, sometimes they’re seasonal, and sometimes they fit perfectly and you can’t imagine life without them.

There are those accidental friendships that grow organically, like my best friend that I’ve had for nearly three decades. We met in a bar, his friend thought I was cute. Would have never guessed he’d become the brother I didn’t need and I’d become the sister he never wanted, but here we are. This is the friendship that is akin to cozy leggings or a favorite pair of sweatpants. There are no expectations, you know each other’s secrets, and the flaws don’t matter. Long gaps in communication have never waivered the relationship and you know they’re just a phone call away.

Then there are what I call sisterhood friendships, where there’s an instant click. The friend you meet and feel like you know already, the sister from another mister as they say. This is the friend that is gonna always be honest, gonna tell it like it is, even when they know you’re gonna hate it and they’re gonna be right. This is the favorite pair of pants that you just can’t give up. The jeans you reach for because they fit perfectly and always make you feel put together.

Sometimes there’s that happenstance friendship, it happened because you always seemed to collide and decide why the hell not. This is the friendships that you maybe thought twice about, maybe even would have sworn you’d never be friends. Yet somehow the world keeps putting you together in the same places as if you’re meant to forage something together. These are the pants that a first glance aren’t going to the fitting room, then you shrug and grab them and try them on anyway. You’re shocked when they fit like a glove and you wonder why you thought twice about them.

Seasonal friendships are probably the hardest of the friendships. These are the friendships that are never meant to last and are sometimes the hardest to let go of. They're the pants that fit prefect until they shrink in the wash, or maybe you gain that extra five pounds, and now they're a little snug and don’t fit like they used to. We struggle to hang on to them and find a way to make them fit again, but in the end, the season is over and we have to let them go.

I have struggled to understand some of the friendships I’ve had in my life. Wondered why some didn’t last long enough and why others came to be. Coming to understand seasonal friendships was something that was almost freeing for me. Knowing that some come into our lives for a reason and a purpose, but can’t or won’t stay for a lifetime isn’t the easiest thing to wrap your mind around. Letting go of friendships that you enjoyed makes this all that much harder. Sometimes the split happens naturally and you grow in different directions. Other times is more like a severed cord and it’s over.

At this point in my life, I’m investing in cozy leggings, perfect jeans, and giving more to second thoughts. Life is short and I know seasonal friends will come and go, but I’m learning to invest less in trying to hang on to those friendships. I’m enjoying seasonal friendships while the last and not hanging onto guilt when they end.